Mormons

Hey all!

Love that you Tweet now.  My ? is… what’s the deal with Mormons?

Thx!
Thaddeus

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Buddha:  Ooooh!  You done did it now!  We’ll let Jesus Christ himself handle this one.

Jesus:  Look, I never went to what you all call America.  I was nailed to a cross, for my sake!  Not exactly a hanglider.  And all that stuff about Joseph Smith using gold plates to translate the word of God is horseshit.  If God wanted you to understand him, don’t you think he’d speak English?  Write in a language you can understand?

Yes.

Si.

Oui.

Duh!

So, to answer your question, we have no idea what’s up with the Mormons, but it’s a shame that bug up their collective asses had to die.

JC

- Sent from my iPhone –

Knockin’ on Heaven’s Door

Dear Jesus,

I didn’t want to write because I don’t want anyone to know my name, but I have a serious problem.  I’m 11 and my church tells me that the only way to get into heaven is to give my heart to you.   Can you tell me what that means? Does that mean followers of other gods go to hell? I really want to get into heaven, but I want my best friend to get in too. And he’s Jewish.  Please don’t say anything to my mom.

- Anonymous in Alabama

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Hi Michael.

Ye, you’ll avoid the fires of Hell if you realize, as Aerosmith did, that life is a journey – not a destination. Heaven is inside you and all around you… it’s not a far away place. And this idea of Hell being a fiery punishment after death is total crap.

As for who to follow, let me explain it as simply as possible. We deities are all one with each other.  We pretty much all live in the same neighborhood, like the Desperate Housewives but without the Botox.   We all get along, we laugh together and we love each other like family.  Humans are created just like that too – all lovey dovey and shit – but somewhere along the line, it’s taught out of you.

So to answer your question, in my Dad’s grand scheme of things, it doesn’t really matter… follow me, follow Muhammad, follow Buddha – doesn’t really matter.

Just don’t follow too closely or I’ll flick a booger on your windshield!

–Sent from my iPhone–